Also my back is semi rug burned and I'm holding you fully responsible.
I would love to give you more rug burn
i dedicated my morning wood to you.
Taking my final with a coffee mug full of keystone... best semester ever.
So I'm pretty sure I fucked the dept of homeland security guy on my kitchen table. No recollection of it, but there are signs.
He spanked me with a plate. I'm not sure where this is going...
I only broke up with her because the ex sex is amazing. She will do ANYTHING if i even hint at getting back together
There's something really special about 3:00 in the afternoon drunk that just can't be duplicated at any other time of day.
THE MIME IS MIMING TO BUST A MOVE KARAOKE. ALL MIME-RELATED EVENTS DESERVE CAPS LOCK
She just broke down showed up grabbed a beer said fuck it pulled off her fake eyelashes looked at my roommate and said we need to break up you're a nice guy and I'm a whore
you're expensive. Idk about all this. What happened to free make outs?
Sobriety and mild self-respect
I managed to get through my meeting without throwing up in someone else's office, so there's that for an accomplishment today.
She has dubbed herself the Pied Piper of Penis and keeps yelling about getting Cocktober started... Will send pix soon
Wow. Last night.
I knew you were shit blasted when you called me your "sunflower queen"
you pulled out seven eyelashes and made me count them multiple times whilst crying hysterically.
The only reason you haven't shit yourself yet is because you don't like having fun.
Randomize
