Nothing too bad. Lost a stuffed horse on a stick and tore my clothes off. Again.
i had a dream that i had so much marijuana that i didn't know what to do with it. i woke up and cried.
Just saw an old man buy two cases of keystone light, a case of milwaukee's best and a case of icehouse. Degenerate alcoholic of senior citizen of the year?
I'm so glad i pay social security
He said I was like bonnie and clyde all rolled into one but twice as trashy and 75% less clothes...
He obviously understands you completely.
Tostitos Scoops as shot glasses. Eat for chaser.
Like I couldn't describe it to you but if they did a lineup of penises i'd be able to pick it out.
Yes, but if I hadn't gotten here early, I never would have seen the butch lesbian midget waddling down stairs from the bar. Worth every minute of drinking alone.
I paid your cover too so you're on the list as tits mcgee. You're welcome :D
There are flashing lights and a man dressed as Santa with a bullhorn in my cul de sac.
I'm not sure if this is awesome or scary.
Thanks for taking care of me. I hope I didn't pee in your car.
We hooked up and then we watched game of thrones while he fed me chocolate. I don't see how our benafriendship is a bad thing.
Seriously just told the plant the cheese Pringles are mine.
Just sent my mother the text "we need to get our vaginas looked at this thursday". Hows your day going?
I don't know where I keep finding these guys, but mi power bottoms es su power bottoms.
I'm a terrible person when I drink. I went from fine to not making any sense and yelling about cheese in like 30 seconds.
Randomize
