Until that no good dick sucking whore stays away from my boyfriend I am gonna start blowing all of his friends...
checking your phone to see who you drunk dialed last night isnt as funny when you see you had a 17 minute call to your dad.
She was blacklisted from the Uhaul center...what the fuck do you have to do to get blacklisted from a Uhaul center
At what point would you like us to save you from yourself?
Actually, what with the curvature of the Earth, it's faster to leave from Washington. And Google maps recommends kayaking instead of swimming.
I never woulda thought that back in kindergarten playong kickball that'd i'd be 24 getting plastered in front of the white house and winning a kickball championship in a young adult drinking league
i knew as soon as i met you that i was gonna be the designated driver
Direct quote from her that tipped me off I was getting some: "I want to jump on his shoulders and wrap my legs around his face"
Why is my fridge empty save for a basketball???
Dude come to her party. Someone just took a body shot of rubbing alcohol
I feel like it should at least be like a "hey look I'm actually fine that I drunkenly gave you my virginity!" friend request.
All i remember from last night was that i was sitting on the toilet for a good hour eating a philly cheesesteak hotpocket... then i woke up... in my bed.
you know my pussy doesn't know between good and evil
I gave her the last ten dollars to my name and bitch comes back with a six pack of bud light and a pack of sour patch kids
OMG. When you threw the used condom on your floor you threw it in my purse!!! I just went to grab my headphones and it was stuck to them!
Randomize
