no, no I am DEF NOT pregnant. typo. sorry, wanted to talk about us...
party started at 10. cops are coming to shut us down now and its 11. i already lostmy underwear and im wearing a sparkly thong on my haed. this has to be some kinda record.
just watched paranormal activity stoned. laughed the whole time and screamed when they turned on the lights. eating doritos. I love my life
Now that I'm 21, I feel like I'm letting North Dakota down by not being drunk everyday
so apparently I plead the 5th to every question they asked me when they put me under the conscious sedation to set my broken wrist
I made mike pull over so I could lay in the grass. He made me get up cuz I looked dead and people were passing. It was like 6:30am.
We dared each other to drink Arbor Mist, and I waterboarded someone with tequila.
second roommate of the year to get clamydia. go life.
There's glitter in my speakers, piles of cheezits on the floor, a random Audi in the driveway and a homeless dude napping in a lawn chair in the backyard. Wtf happened last night?
Nothing says male bonding like watching porn with your grandpa
No it was fine, I've just never seen that many people eat dog food
Got to work this morning and thought... Did I really dance on that pole last night
Like tbh you're not doing anything that screams I'm drunk and yet nothing says I'm going to spend $30 on McDonalds and make out with a stranger like that picture
I'm sorry you had to knock him out on your birthday. But that also means I won the bet that you'd hit someone so you owe me 40. dollars
Do you realize we were driving someone else’s car and I was holding the wheel while you were driving and sucking my dick. That’s NOT normal
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