So im pretty sure the object of my emotional onterest is tired of playing with me....
I don't think I have ever been told that I am "probably too drunk to pet the stingrays" by a cop before.
and honestly a story about how you met your future husband that DOESN'T include the words "creeped him on facebook" is really not a story worth sharing
I cant even remember his name or what he looked like. all I remember is what the tattoo on his forearm looked like.
well, he kindof looked like a walmart greeter. I tried to stop you
Ya I guess he's not a bad roommate. I mean if he wasn't here I would probably be more lazy and pee in bottles and stuff.
Your wedding's just one more day in my life I can't wear sweat pants.
Long story short, the rash from your last birthday party told me not to go to this one.
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
We waved. But it was a "let's hook up" wave.
SEX BINGO!
Canadian or clown?
$150 and 3 orgasms. Dogsitting is awesome.
We were having a serious discussion about Blue's Clues and I just kept thinking, 'you've seen me naked'.
We were fucking in the back of my truck and no joke a skunk came up and sprayed us. How am I supposed to explain this to my parents
I just sold Adderall to a priest, im not quite sure how I feel about this situation
Was that before, or after strip tac toe.....
Randomize
