Just tried to chase Captain Morgan with water...this whole drinking alone business is getting harder to do.
found used condoms and an omlet in my uggs. I'm disgusted but not surprised.
We are NOT roofying him just to get him to pass out so we can build a masive snow cock in his yard.
Is it a step in the wrong direction to ask my parents for a kegerator for graduation?
I have got to stop assigning last names to girls I get numbers from based on what I think will remind me of them... Sarah Petrydish is not an acceptable memory trigger
nobody understands how my tooth became embedded in the ceiling last night.
Be subtle and tell lucas that he should sleep here tonight. And by subtle, i mean show him this text...
Oh btw I learned how to say "my penis is a flamethrower" in German. Tonights gonna be fun
After her AA meeting, she was on the phone with her mom, and when she said, "they're making me start over with Step 1," I quietly sang, "cut a hole in the box".
It's that whole "half Japanese, half asshole" thing. My brother and I have found that people really go for that
Is he the circus guy or the bi-curious street preacher?
I know he's not here, but I can still see him. I found some of my old stash and its good shit so its expected to see sunlight at night and scary llama men. Midgets or otherwise.
I told him I felt we were at the point where if I saw him talking to another girl, I'd probably choke him out. So I guess you could say things are getting serious.
...and now I welcome the sweet embrace of death.
and i walked downstairs to find my brother using nunchucks, and making the appropriate noises. i simply asked "why"; his reply? "why the fuck do you think?". i love my family.
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