Wow that girl who lives a couple houses down is going out wearing butterfly wings a skirt and fishnets
i am only reminding you that showing off your fellatio skills on vegetables is probably not an appropriate party trick
I just left during the middle of Chemistry to go throw up in the bathroom....and you laughed at my travel toothbrush.
you made wolf sounds and yelled "team me" the entire movie
If the EMT's ask later... I had 5 hour energy for breakfast and Four Loko for dinner... It might be important for them to know that
the fact that we had sex in the dining hall makes it seem so much more like home.
Where the hell did all of these gingers come from? It's like they crawled out of their shame-caves for st Patrick's day.
I have nothing to say for myself. When 2chainz comes on at the bar all bets are off.
I was just tryna bring you beer girl. I should've known you'd be shirtless though
After last night, I think I need a service animal to monitor the life choices I make when I'm inebriated. A monkey, or a clever dog. Or a really assertive parrot.
"I wonder if vinegar is some sort of magical hangover cure" "...no I was definitely still drunk and drinking vinegar because I was thirsty"
Well my summer has already been productive. I partially caused a divorce.
All you need for a happy life is Jameson and slippers
Was not aware that standing loudly up off the couch and loudly, drunkenly slurring "I'M EIGHTEEN NOW BITCHES" counted as a primitive mating call.
Oh well, he'll live. He has a hand and a penis.
Randomize
