he just asked me if he could show me what he wanted to do to me using his action figures. where do i find these freaks?
his penis is like a homeless cat. ever since I've satisfied him he keeps showing up on my doorstep ask for more.
im probably the most hungover person watchin icarly right now
dude there's automatic no homos on brad Pitt and Leonardo dicaprio. Everyone knows that
just because you are in college doesnt mean its okay to pregame easter mass.
Coming out of the blackout mid beej was nice. Seeing her face was not.
Did you seriously just hashtag my sex life as #yolo2013?
Yep. I'm going to buy a sex toy and a LARP prop on the same trip. Welcome to my life.
Dear Jesus. Send me strength to not suck cock this morning.
He is so sweet! He thanks me for sending him dirty pix. I should keep him.
you made a mix containing mostly whiskey. then you took a sip, gagged and yelled "perfect!"
Did I just hear you ask Siri about the meaning of life?
Just an fyi, you also tried to wrangle a peacock last night.
Can u pick up some lemons on the way? I have Tequila and a sore throat..I need them for both
I'm pmsing pretty hard.. .just cried 3 times while eating a Hershey bar dipped in peanut butter
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