So #1 way to come back last night and #2 wishbone and I broke into his house and i opened joey's door and u were both passed out and pantless.
Yeah, you spent an hour in front of the mirror trying to reenact the Sailor Moon theme song.
This girl in the gym has an amazing body...too bad there's no workout routine for a face.
some random kid just walked into our apartment with two cases... I don't know who he is but I like him
She just pulled out a chicken strip and a hundred dollar bill from her purse. This is a legit twentyfirst bday weekend.
No need to get angry I'm just tryin to get my door back
Wait, is this the kid that tried catching a bat in your backyard with a flashlight and a ball of tin foil?
I'll never be able to have sex on these sheets. I'd have to cover up the eyes of every single Elmo.
So. How about you can get tequila certified...
I'm in too deep with Breaking Bad. I realized I've altered my Tinder likes to people that either look like Jesse or work in a school's Science department.
Hung out near hay bales in sweaters then she gave me a pumpkin spice pop rocks bj. That was so freakin' seasonal.
The awkward moment your booty call shows up to the Mexican restaurant and realizes you just picked burritos over pussy
Goddamn right, I may not survive the apocalypse, but my eyebrows fucking will.
I get dinner and bf perks from the one guy. But dick with no commitment from the other. I’m living my best life.
AND ONCE AGAIN THE HENNESSEY MAKES ME A SUPER SAIYAN
Oh for fuck's sake, is that why the couch is in the pool???
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