Kristen just told everyone at the bar that I've got a huge dick, now Brittany is giving me the eye. What is the opposite of FML?
I will fuck a handful of worms if you hold them
SOME GIRL GOT MAGGOTS IN HER COOCH FROM EXPERIMENTING WITH MAYO!
you threw up in the oven last night. i found that out after i preheated it to cook a pizza.
i dont know, i woke up and he was going down on me. i guess i can save his number
I was too drunk to read the menu, let alone her body language.
I don't know. I guess at the end of the day I wanted taco bell more than a boyfriend.
Totally get that.
and now her best friend is massaging my table under the leg. this may not end well.
I cant. There's fences everywhere and I think I have a boyfriend. Its fabulous.
Cock is NEVER random. You may quote me on that.
We crashed a rave, threw glitter all over Gay Dan and the bartender, broke a chandelier and called ourselves the Kings of Neon.
We're in the kiddy pool eating marshmellows and drinking wine out of a box. Please dress casual.
sometimes u just have to say fuck it and help a straight sixteen year old break into her uncles gay bar.
your penis is a great and majestic leader among the penises.
The pandemic has not made Uber drivers any less chatty.
Randomize
