every time you feel disappointed with the red wings take a shot
the next morning i told him i was impressed that he remembered my name. he said it wasn't that hard when "tracy
I just watered my plants with apple juice. Look what you made me do.
I am not deleting the internet history anymore, now I am going for shock value.
Wow. 8.8 earthquake hit Chile this morning
didn't feel it. :)
It's like 5 thousand miles away of course you didn't.
wait what? so it's not in america?
Did you really end last night's sexting with "Stay thirsty my friend"?
No she stopped screaming. Now she's eating popcorn. Off a plate. With a spoon.
I've officially done it all, fucked a girl wearing a twister board. ABC parties are amazing!
I don't feel bad about fucking old guys. That's what I want. It's what I likeeeeee.
Drunk yet?
Well I just did the worm on an empty dance floor while the bridesmaids were serving cake. You tell me.
Ryan Reynolds is on sesame street right now. Dressed as a letter A but still sexy as fuck. PBS is so considerate of the stay at home mom.
Btw when I was saying "fuck you" I meant it like "be quiet beautiful princess"
My brother really should've known better than to make me go egg hunting with his daughter when I was entirely too drunk to do so. Threw up in a plant in front of her.
I need a guy who can see in me what the lesbian community sees in me
I'm fairly sure I accidentally saw my dad naked last night
Randomize
