I wish I could tape me & him having sex. Not for pornographic reasons, just for comic relief.
do you think i can make that microwavable cake stuff with vodka instead of water?
you should probably use water
i dont have any
Girl next to me in class just said to her friend "and I haven't even cried yet." Challenge accepted
All I know is that it's pretty damn mean to put a glass wall in a bar.
Apparently I mistakenly called the hair club for men at 3am... they called me back this morning.
I drunkenly asked a stripper to join our volleyball team.
My lips are red and swollen. Solid proof that giving head is a viable alternative to lipstick and plumper.
he threw up in a solo cup, then washed it out and used it to play flip cup. Im not sure if thats resourceful or disgusting.
Good because ass is like 60% of my diet now
Whatever you do tomorrow don't let me put on the Borat mankini and yell "POLAR PLUNGE!!" while diving into the pool
The pool is covered.....
Like that would stop me.
im half tempted just to scoot up to him and whisper "I'm not wearing underwear" but idk if thats a heartfelt apology
No. We can't get pedicures until my toenails grow back.
Thursday is not a good day to become a felon... It's bingo night
Just saw my ex AGAIN. The constellation of gays must be at some sort of weird point with Mercury.
I still can't believe a guy pooped in my backyard
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