Did you draw a mustache on my drivers license picture??
Just rolled over and realized my vodka goggles are not as functional as my beer goggles
Dude you didn't move for like 2 hours then suddenly sang the chorus to ghetto superstar and passed back out
Somewhere during foreplay he said something about me only being with two other guys... I just went with it cause we have never had that conversation...
dude chill. we stole 18 hamburgers from her house
no. you cant fuck a burger.
It's official, there's a sex tape of me floating around some high school
She's cute. And her snoring noises remind me of the incidental music from Jaws.
I got about 15 snapchats from you with your hand saying "you want cheese sticks" or something like that and one of some weird looking weed
No you don't understand. This tree is really alive. Like in Pocahontas.
we played animal sounds and i linked arms with her cuz we were both cats....fate and my community college drama teacher have chosen my one night stand
Got hit on by the cable guy. Solid 9. Think Orlando Bloom with a glorious curly mullet.
Going to put that on my resume. "Only accidentally snapchatted my titties to all of my friends once."
Dude, you ever snap awake on the toilet at work with that panicked, "How long have I been here?!" feeling??
MY TITS JUST CAUSED A CAR ACCIDENT ON THE HIGHWAY! i kid you not!! i thinl the giy is actually dead
I accidentally made jungle juice last night.
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