I just encountered the most annoying guy on the planet. I wanted to slap his milkshake out of his fat-boy hands while he was talking to me at the same time as slurping his liquid fat.
I love milkshakes.
Not the point.
Using 'equal to a modern day cock block" in term paper, inappropriate
javelin tossed one of my crutches in to the mosh pit at the concert, hit some dude in the temple hahah fuck him he sucks
She was lying on the table chugging back something when the table broke
She kept going
Someone want to explain the bottle of ranch I found in my pants
I have got to stop taking so many uppers and downers simultaneously. My life is a Dali painting.
Note to self...boner negates all verbal agreements ...got it
Oh god. I just had a sex dream about the talking dog from the Bush's Baked Beans commercials.
During sex his mom asks from the other side of the door, "Do you like avocados?" Who doesn't like avocados?
I told him that I wanted his dick like I wanted a jumbo hot dog. There something wrong with my priorities
For the record you're an amazing lay and you have great taste in breakfast sandwiches
Dude I woke up with a handprint shaped bruise on my ass, a pong ball in my cleavage, and somebody else's gold chain around my neck. Who's house am I in?
roommate singing save a horse ride a cowboy wearing a cowboy hat a bikini and jeans while humping the couch.
I'm like a bad decision making factory. I need to sit down and have a chat with my decision making elves.
Well, I was arguably the most sober adult in the house by 1 in the afternoon, so I'd say Superbowl Shitshow was a success.
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