I just bought the big bottle of Patron. It looks small. What have I done with my life?
Succeeded.
The weather is perfect in Seattle right now. Warm enough for girls to not wear bras, but cold enough for me to see them nipping out in the shade.
pray for me tomorrow cause I have a midterm that I've mostly studied for by watching Bill Nye episodes on the subject...
Roman Polanski is more welcome at my daughter's birthday party than you are at that bar
He tried to make eye contact, he should know by now that freaks me out
The bar owner gave me permission to push people into the pool. I'm never going to leave Los Angeles
you goin out tonight?
who is this.
your orgasm for tonight
I didnt think the feeling of accomplishment for fucking brothers would be this great.
Some girl just ordered Chinese delivery to her therapy appointment...
Sexiest use of a semi colon this week, congratulations.
I thought you might think I was an idiot who thought cock rings prevent STDs,
The guy who said he's gonna suck your butthole till your face caves in is at Maggie's
I just want to get drunk and not have to worry about you leaving me at the bar.
Do you think it's my receding hair line that makes all the milfs attracted to me??
She yelled “outlaw country” right before we heard the police siren
Randomize
