girl! he was asleep with his back to me.he farted and i actually felt the wind blow across my leg.nice
checking your phone to see who you drunk dialed last night isnt as funny when you see you had a 17 minute call to your dad.
That haircut screams I'm 35 but I still eat pussy.
Woke up this morning with a junior police officer sticker over my nipple this morning.
Their was just 7 people standing outside eating a costco chicken, definitley at the right party
It's like if you got one of your titties chopped off...think of how much one would miss the other...that's how I feel when we're apart. A tit with no twin.
I'm assuming the reason my elbow is so sore has something to do with all the broken shot glasses eh?
Yep
Ever the responsible adult, I just realized that today is the Obamacare deadline, but I'm too high to handle insurance now.
Of course I fucked him. He's a professional beat boxer, his entire job is to do complicated shit with his tongue.
How weird would it be for me to get 1 hour photos printed at CVS of my partially or all nude?
I'm not dropping acid and watching game of thrones with you. That just sounds like a disaster waiting to happen.
Who brings a stripper home to ninja turtle bed sheets
Me and I got head
No I feel the same as usual. Mopey with a chance of bitch fits.
Can I borrow your pants?
WTH?
Just come to the men’s room and help me. The blonde bartender figured out I’m married. Rachel will definitely notice if come home pantsless
I texted him: “Come over for the Super Bowl. I promise lots of scoring.”
My divorce is turning into a porn script
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