now i know why they say having sex with her is the equivalent to licking a pay phone
i thought she was just hairy. i didn't know she was also a man.
so i woke up thsi morning with a phadora on my head, no shirt and a huge hangover? want to help me figure this out?
Showering in the handicapped shower. Im THAT hungover.
See, not all bad decisions involve my penis.
I was going to text him and apologize but I didn't want him to think that meant I approved of him being my niece's booty call.
I just want you to know that I hid the weed. Once you find another job, I'll tell you where it is. Happy Hunting, bro.
other than the jail part I had a really good time with you
Overslept. So hungover. Apparently texting the first person in my contact list the time I would like to wake up is not how the alarm clock in my phone actually works.
it was like fucking a Mumford & Sons song
I walked a mile in this weather wearing nothing but a toga. Zero fucks. Your move Mother Nature.
I woke up at 2 AM to find them in my living room with a radio flyer wagon full of milk glass plates and a Holstein cow. How am I going to explain this to my landlord!?!
HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT
So I just ran in to the Couger you saw me take home last month who i haven't talked to since then at Wawa and she was PISSED.. APPARENTLY i fucked her niece last week
By the way, you're like fucking spiderman. I've never seen someone climb out of a car window that fast and eloquently.
She told me I’m a “stunt cock.” I’m okay with that
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