why is there a picture of someone wearing Tevas with socks taped on the wall?
its easy. just sleep with a bunch of guys until one falls in love
nothing cures the holiday blues like an open bar
i'm behind the bar giving him a hand job. i need stuff to make my foot stop itching.
okay, this is where i needed to clarify that i was kidding before when i said that jizz helps mosquito bites. but let me know how that goes. for future reference.
It was horrifying, i havent seen a girls mouth open that wide since that one episode of Goosebumps..
I promised myself in the hospital that I would give up drinking for however long the cast stayed on. Thank god it was only soft tissue and not a fracture.
I have what looks like a rubber stamp mark on my cock from last night that says "Magic Marla Approved" Do we know a Marla?
I just want every freshman guy to know about Grindr just so I can have more options
Realizing life ain't all about burritos and strippers, it's a struggle out there, and it ain't looking pretty so far,..
You tried to tip the Uber driver with a meatball sub. Then, when he refused your meatball sub...you demanded he take you to the corner with the hookers. The valet has your keys and water balloons. I'm glad you're only in Chicago for the weekend.
Think I have the only job where I can be naked in a room with my manager at work. Apart from hookers
His idea of a night out is drinking beer in the driveway. He's been on house arrest too long
You're telling that to the kid drinking Jack in nothing but a graduation cap
we didn't even throw knives this time! it was just the carrot peeler
Stop letting me drink while doing my makeup. I think I used sharpie for eyeliner.
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