I'm too scared of my Fleshlight to even use it anyway.
I don't wanna hook up with anyone from minnesota
everybody there reminds me of mashed potatoes... white and lumpy
Is it wrong to want to cut a hole in the Tigger suit so I can molest you while I wear it?
In case you were wondering, you weren't dreaming. I really did get stuck between my bed and the wall last night.
As we walked into his room, he said welcome to the hurt locker. I should have left, but I love that movie.
he broke up with her mid blow job, and somehow convinced her to finish. I want his life
I'm sorry but I have to break up with you. My wife is pregnant and can't have a girlfriend too.
All I remember is lecturing my dog about how she's a lucky bitch to have a structured eating and shitting schedule.
I would convert to being a Republican and Mormon just to sleep with Romney's sons. The things I would to do them.
fuck your need to drink for whitney a thousand times last night.
You couldn't find your shoe so you introduced yourself as Cinderella for the rest of the night.
Ahh that explains the text from creepy mike saying he would be my prince charming.
Can we please get through at least one night out when you DON'T threaten to have sex with one of my parents?!?!
The strip clubs here are like a safari of penis, and I'm gonna bag me a rhino.
You wouldn't put pants on to see my parents.
Guy just walked in with a 40 and a Honda steering wheel. Where the fuck am I?
Randomize
