real busy. everything is packed. thats why we ended up at the strip club
Today let's steal peoples pets out of their backyards and leave ransom notes
doesn't matter. i just recorded the power rangers theme song on my phone. and its loud. was thinking we could use it as our entrance song as we walk into bars.
Since when does wearing a condom and going down on me make someone a gentlemen?
Dude you have to stop using "I eat good pussy" as a pick up line
I'm wayyy too drunk to be in a parade right now
let's get a trip to cabo together for next spring... they have to have forgotten about me by now
Imagine getting smashed in the dick by a basketball. A basketball made of metal. With spikes. That's pretty much what his dick looked like.
Last night we got home from the bar and saw a fox outside and we lured it in the house with a piece of cheese. Just wanted to party with some potentially dangerous wildlife I guess.
btw telling the cab driver, that took you to your booty call that is now returning your wallet that you left in his cab, that you want to hug him is awkward
I have three different pairs of earrings at three different houses including your 16 year old brothers nightstand. Look at my life. Look at my choices
He knocked me in the face with the phone during my light show. Didn't even feel it. Ecstasy is amazing
it’s not easy to sexualize brunch. work with me, babe.
Ah Christ I think I've reached the single life mentality 100%. I just inquired a photographer about a photo shoot with my dog.
What the hell was that?
Genius. It was sheer genius.
Randomize
