How do i ask the guy i made out with for 4 hours if he is gay? He keeps telling me i'm so adorable and that he had a ''blasty''
apparently i ate an entire bag of goldfish, kissed some guy with a girlfriend who now wants to kill me, made my sister sleep in my bed with me while i wore no pants, and told my whole family i am pregnant with jonny's devil baby...never drinking again
xbox live and facebook are tricking me into believing I actually have an active social life
:)
Wipe that smile off your face.
We Started drinking at 8am and left the bar around 11pm....I hate ALL green things
Ordered weed last night from the delivery service, and who showed up...my old real estate broker. He said, "this is less stressful." Duh.
A man pulled out his penis last night and when I said I wouldn't touch it, he said, "that's fine it just needs to breathe".
Dude, it could be so much worse. That Dale kid lost a toe I think.
Just got 20% off at the liquor store. How you ask? I asked if there was an "I got divorced today" discount.
so...the lady doing my pedi totally noticed the human bite marks on my calf. Who says marriage ends your sex life? Love u!
I resisted the urge to announce that it looks like a big crystal butt plug
How exactly does one go about seducing an older, possibly blind gentleman?
She walked out and announced that he was now part of our confused, incestuous, glorious eskimo family. I've never been more proud.
Campus is too small for this to keep happening
When he wakes up tomorrow with half shaved legs smelling like a preteens bathroom, I'm sure he will think he has had a great evening
Like pizza and mermaids make up about 1/3 of my thoughts on the weekends.
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