i'm saving my butt for my wedding night
similar to the time we made up the game of screaming at the top of our lungs any time a guy any of us slept with walked into the party. that went over SO well.
Woke up on the floor with my glow stick in one hand & dollar bills in the other. Good. Morning.
I get way too drunk to be trusted with family heirlooms
i think the penis that was inside of me changed my life
Oh dude, thanks for giving me that liquor last night, except replace 'giving' with 'violently forcing'.
Travis is back on this booty and burgers thing. If I'm his delivery service for food he better fuck me how I want.
She sat next to me on the couch and said "word going around is you got a sweet cock". My nickname problem was solved!
So what's the moral standing on reading gay porn on your phone whilst sitting next to your 87 year old Grandma?
He made a toga out of my hot pink bed sheets and cracked an egg on his head. Then he proceeded to alphabetize our DVD collection, which was impressive because I'm 99% sure he couldn't have done that sober.
I will teach you the ways of the ho life, my little gay grasshopper.
Anyways enough about genital fatigue...
so all I remember is hig-fiving the cop and then sprinting away. considering I'm not in jail, I count that as a win.
We were high and the scary movies were scaring us too bad. Were all watching porn instead now
He had a temporary tattoo of Justin Bieber on his dick and I still had sex with him
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