Just checked, might have creepy crawlies. What does chlamydia feel like? Not near wireless to consult webMD.
She's holding my hand. I'm going to kill myself.
I lost my virginity in that bed. You just layed in history.
failed my one goal of the day: wake up before 2 pm.
You kicked in the door when she was blowing him. You dont remember do you?
Get to the bar. Power hour leading up to the rapture.
I really wish I had added "blowjob on a slide at a playground" to my bucket list before last night.
i introduced myself to everyone by my new name, thundergooch. i threatened the neighbors with a hammer when they used my real name. needless to say, sailor jerry was not kind to me.
He broke up with me because "we're at different points in our lives" I think it's because he saw a drag queen with their hand halfway down my pants
You couldn't even walk but you came into the kitchen with the funnel and begged me to put beer in it
So there is a 50% chance that he just left my house and a 100% chance that I have to be up for work in 2 hours...
I feel like my toilet water looks different when outsiders use my bathroom...
Are you high right now?
HOW DID YOU KNOW!
Just cuz you've got the biggest dick I've ever seen doesn't mean u can wake me up at 2 am
What?? I could've slept with an ordained minister!
You went into the bathroom, got in the tub with a pillow, yelled "this isn't as comfortable as it looks in the movies" then passed out
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