Having an 'SDSU Mom' sticker is just like say 'Hi, my daughter has an std"
I'm going to get a baby outfit made and send it to her that says: "My husband fucked his subordinate and all I got was another baby".
I'm making progress with her.. She actually looked at me today and gave me a dirty look. Things are going real good.
He showed up to fuck me at the same time the pizza guy did. It was like everything I needed just showed up at my stoop.
She said "don't make this weird" and then proceeded to sniff me.
I just ate a dove chocolate and the wrapper said "chocolate: always your valentine" WHAT KIND OF JACKASS WRITES THESE AND WHY MUST THEY MOCK ME?
ATTN: We are officially 15 weeks from our annual "Get-Mega-Stoned-and-BBQ" event. Start saving up the proper supplies. That is all.
I JUST WANT TO HAVE MILDLY SOCIALLY ACCEPTABLE SEX WITH HIM AND CALL HIM CUPCAKE.
this lady just pulled corn on the cob out of her purse
People like that make this world a better place.
she has like 12 pairs of underwear people left at her house from the other night
So if her brother fucks my brother, can I just tell her that anal sex is in her genes?
when I type Christina's, my phone's predictive text assumes my next word is boobage
If I win the lottery I'm going to hire someone to skywrite "FUCKTARD" over his house. That much anger.
There comes a point where there's just condoms and old mcdonalds in your garbage can and you can't tell if you've won or lost.
I remember waking up on the bathroom floor and seeing my teeth behind the toilet
Randomize
