party was madd awkward.. it was like every person who i sat next to in high school and never said hi to was there
my dad brought home flowers.. so i started talking to them
I'm driving to work with an ice pack on my vagina. how was your weekend?
He soundtracked our prebreakup sex, our breakup, and out postbreakup sex. At least he's dedicated.
She is only going home with him in hopes to give him herpes. She has been plotting some master revenge since 7th grade.
It's gonna be pretty hard to find a homeless person that takes crackers as currency.
This is just what we do. We meet guys, go back to their place, smoke all their weed & go home to compete in out own version of Cupcake Wars.
Dude. I'm super jealous I'm not there. Plus I look really pretty tonight, I'm wearing my long blue dress, I have long blonde hair, and I'm just sitting here hitting Larry the Long Bong. I'll pretend like your 3 spirits are floating in my smoke. Fuck.
Last night I woke up and the national rep of his frat was sucking my toe.
IT'S A FUCKING GIANT POKEBALL MAD OUT OF TINY ROSES
I just realized I wasn't at the party anymore. I was just sitting there with a vacuum.
don't worry, i'm not mad. i'm just angry. and furious. and about to set your ass on fire.
It's been THREE DAYS. Why do I still have the munchies?!
I dont think the chain smoking, tequila shots or cocaine was good for my bronchitis.
His dick smelled like strawberries...it was awesome.
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