Last night I got a napkin with 4 names & numbers: Katie, Ellen, Kylie...and Brandon.
Making the executive decision for drunk you to not sleep in the lofted bed that has no ladder
I wish you would always start your sentences with "speaking of my clit..."
Tequila shots with cinnamon and orange write it down before I forget
My adult sexuality and some of the best memories of my childhood collided like a Pee Wee Herman wet dream.
Elaborate
Strip Mario-Kart
If eating a cheesesteak naked doesn't make me feel better, then I don't know what will.
He shoved his balls through an egg carton and showed us a picture. They were surprisingly egg-like.
Chipotle. Because when you've had diarrhea for 6 days why not just make it 7
I woke up to realize my keys were on the front porch. Also so was I. So close yet so far
God I need to stop before there's a picture of my dick on my mom's phone.
I don't care that you had sex on my bed. I care that you used my lollipop condom. I was saving that for a special occasion
It was a special occasion. Your best friend had crazy awesome sex on your bed. Thank you
No seriously you guys are gonna get arrested
Do me a favor I want you to reach down the front of your pants and underwear and just feel around for a while... if you happen to find your balls then join us
Yeah ok. We can maid of honor each other since you don't like my boobs enough to lesbian marry me
Just walked outside my house; realized I wasn't wearing any pants after about 3 minutes or so.
Drunk, high, hungover?
...I wish I had an excuse.
They kept freaking out that you were missing and potentially having sex.. like it was a bad thing. Got fed up with hearing it so i just yelled "ITS HER BIRTHDAY AND SHE CAN FUCK IF SHE WANTS TO!" They gave me unnecessary looks. I thought it was acceptable.
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