Life lesson #57: drinking whisky out of apples leads to threesomes.
He has been begging me for a Bj but doesnt want to get mono
How is he gunna get mono? is he gunna suck on his dick after you?
you figure out which one you wanna sleep with, & I'll sleep with the other one. problem solved
We found her hiding in the bath tub.. And when i opened the curtain she replied "thank you" and walked out like nothing happened.
You kept apologizing for not offering me some of your Whisky, which you referred to as "Jesus Nectar".
If your wondering why there is a puddle on the floor is I may have decided to make a kiddie pool in your living room.
DO IT, or I'll send you pictures of my hickey to remind you of your loneliness
BGSU move in weekend. Just passed a house w a beer pong table set up, ppl already playing, girls holding signs that say "son drop off". It's 10:30 am.
Are you really surprised she can't remember? That's like 50 people. I couldn't rattle off all 50 state capitols off the top of my head, you're bound to forget a few here and there
I have a bottle of vodka wrapped in a leg warmer in my purse. This is what it takes to get through Christmas with my family.
Doing coke by yourself isn't as fun. Even when you're watching a James Franco movie.
I walked in and found you petting your fish outside the bowl, you said its fine, you do this all the Time.
I know. His dick was small at the top and got bigger at the bottom, like a fucking curling wand.
True friendship: When you can hold your best friend's hair and still eat your Stromboli at the same time.
All the doctor said was why
Randomize
