I feel like this woman may give her husband a hand job mid way through dinner. just saying.
He is like the real live version of the state fair..
Going to a party tonight. Sorority girls will be there. Primary goal of the night: make one cry. Secondary goal: become a father.
I wanna tell red shirt guy I'm pregnant and use the abortion money for Coachella.
protesters in toronto definately have the best pot
You're breaking my vagina 4 times a day I reserve the right to know your middle name.
I'm either watching Fifth Element or Hotel Rwanda. There's black people and white people and high life tall boy 18 packs are $11.99 so I could be watching my own hand. I have no idea.
I took the chef home. His dick even tasted like garlic
I don't really want to explain to you right now but i just ate laundry detergent
i wont go near him until the smell goes away , and he takes the chex mix box off his head.
I'm Michael Phelps, Olympic Champion.
Are you just smoking weed? Cause that's not actually a Michael Phelps costume
Stop studying come to the bar get drunk and help me figure out how to get home pretend there are commas in there someplace
You know the sex was good when he had to ask which way was north before he left.
DO NOT TOUCH THE SOAP ITS HAD SOME UNORTHODOX USES WITHIN THE PAST 15 HOURS
Would you like to get a drink then hook up or reverse order I don't really care. Hopefully you can keep this between us.
Randomize
