I'm trashed wearing your mom's snuggie. She says hello.
Not a fireman, but good enough for last night.
She wants out first dance to be to 98 degrees i do cherish you...remember how i said we didn't need open bar....
Good cause the way I see it, we are down to DAYS left of college so we should have as much naked fun as possible. And Jenga really facilitates that.
all i know is that each time we woke up we were at a different chinese restaurant. help.
There is a pink thong attached to a bottle of svedka hanging from my ceiling fan..is this yours?
The girl behind me in psych just tapped me on my shoulder to tell me there was a condom wrapper in my hood.
The staff doesn't like it when you try and take your wheelchair for a joy ride since I've been waiting for an hour and a half.
So I managed to get the bitch who has been copying off me all semester in History to copy the names of Pokemon towns off my test.
This weekend has taught me that sometimes, being buried under a mattress is the safest place in the room.
I feel like a color. Like a wavy color
Thank you for helping a fellow gay friend today. You are sublime and deserve free tickets to the Ellen show
IT'S LIKE LOOKING INTO GOD'S VAGINA!!!!
Great litmus test for what a useless adult you are: amount of shame you feel while eating a coffee cup of Fruity Pebbles
I'm gonna invite every single tinder date I've had to my birthday. Let them fight, battle Royale style. The winner gets to fuck me. \n\nBest. Birthday. Ever
Randomize
