Oh my god. Just had sex with this girl on the boardroom table at my work at midnight (win!) just realized I left the condom wrapper on the table (lose!)
just saw a dude in a v-neck sweater on a bike drinking starbucks. way to feed the stereotypes white dude.
The answer to your question is yes. I am wearing a star of david to the bar in order attract a jewish man.
He appeared on my 7th floor fire escape and sang to me and jimmy through the window when we fucked. He's like a drunken mix of Sinatra and Spiderman.
no, throwing your underwear at it is not the solution to everything
theres a new barista at starbuck holy fuck she's hot
i want to face-plant into her vagina
Whatever. I am not explaining the physics of my dick slapping.
As my straight cousin I need you to answer a question. Are the Astros a baseball team, and if so, are they good? This is flirting related and time-sensitive.
Just made a diving catch to save a handle of Fireball falling out of the car. ESPN worthy.
dude I don't even care if I'm getting catfished the point is I'm going to get laid. hot bitch, fat bitch, skanky bitch, i don't care my penis is having an adventure tonight regardless
I'm discussing Magic Mike with my mom and totally get why she thinks I'm gay.
Visions of polite missionary are dancing in my head right now kinda and it alarms me
I'll have sex with you for tacos. I don't care, man.
I didn't want to shower, so I shaved my legs in the pool . That drunk .
Success! We fucked roommates!
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