Maybe I lied like you did about your herpes.
I cant wait for the day that I tell my daughter I named her after my favorite porn star.
I'm glad you talked me out of that flying penis tattoo.
The only person who has seen my penis more than that girl, is that girl's sister.
It was like a secret agent hookup. No names, swift execution, get in- get out.
i actually have a tan line from him holding my boob while we were sunbathing
I don't remember how we paid for the cab. I do however remember giving him my heels 2 help with the bill.
listening to happy ending by mika while imagining him to run after me at an aiport in slow motion... also, dipping oreos in baileys. not taking this breakup well. at. all.
Her vagina smelled like pancake batter. That's all you need to know.
I need a Jamo leash. Just tie it to my wrist and every time you see me reaching for a shot of it, just yank my hand away
why can't I meet attractive men at the places I like to hang out? like books a million. or the liquor store.
I'm going to have to have a long talk with god if my soul mate has a prince albert
I just read my D.A.R.E. essay from 5th grade. I'm having mixed feelings about my previous life choices right now.
This chick just walked out of the men's room with molly all over her nose and her shirt half unbuttoned. She nodded to all of us and said "gentlemen" as she exited
So, 'head before the store' turned into a fuck fest, & that's how I ended up at the grocery store smelling like a cum farm on Black Friday. How's your weekend?
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