It was like little house on the drunk prairie.
i remember too much of last night for it to have been successful
I called for backup and had two guys carry him to the shower. The bigger guy offered to wash his hair.
Laying on my kitchen floor and the lights just got brighter... I just died or there was a power surge. Based on the amount of booze I drink both are possible.
I remember you licked my face and said that's all you're getting
I enjoy it and I rock at it. I wish there were a respectable way to make giving blow jobs a career.
I think your high point was when the quesadilla was in your mouth and you were screaming "I can't chew!" and the Taco Bell guy just kinda stared at you like he wanted to strangle.
Strip clubs it is bday boy. One condition. I am in full custody of your ID. I plan on being in no condition to coordinate rescue operations and we need to keep casualties to a minimum. You cannot be trusted.
Alright goddamnit. Can I bring my pirate hat?
I insist.
I told her shower beers are even better when you have someone in there with you and she said she's been looking for a new drinking buddy. It's a goooooo
I immediately retract my statement involving hylecopters being allowed to blow up sharks out of the water.... The idea if it is super incredible but ultimately it would be cruel and unessesary
I like that our conversation ended with "im gonna go get pregnant goodnight"
Idk what was more embarassing, seeing her face when I finished, or seeing her roomates faces thru the door..
I took a 19 year old to a strip club and ended up in a three way. Divorced life might be OK.
When Pitbull's songs sum up your life... you know it's time for some serious life changes.
I don't feel like that was meant as a compliment, but really still feels like one
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