I'm really into asian looking animals
There is a man on the balcony beside me who claims he is a triceratops. He roared and asked me for a cigarette, telling me he'd eat me if I refused. I love college.
they say celebs die in threes. leave it to billy mays to throw in one extra COMPLETELY FREE!
I woke up this morning with gum gluing my ass cheeks together..
I can't decide if I actually want to know or not..
just found preset five on the shower head...pretty sure my pussy just had a panic attack
Everything smells like syrup. But I guess that's better than last time when everything smelled like beer.
Seriously just heard: "we need some good ass wine. how bout this swa-vig-non blank"
hahahaha. Oh virginia: where the south begins
Its so fun. We're having a music war with the boat next to us. They have strippers.
All i remember was you crying naked on the bathroom floor because you were cold. I got you a blanket and you kept kicking it off and crying because you were still cold.
I woke up because a stranger was shoving an already lit bowl into my mouth. Spring break is awesome
He wanted me to blow him while he did curls and looked at himself in the mirror. Not sure if gay or ego maniac.
I'm curious as to what my outfit choices drunk me made for this weekend.
There's a potato with a bite taken out of it in the kitchen
THERES A BEAVER CHASING ME, ANGRY BEAVERS IS FUCKING REAL DUDE
On my way home I saw a car that had "MOVE OVER PLZ" emblazoned across the windshield backwards, so people could see it in their rearview mirror
If I ever drive for Lyft or Uber I'm definitely gonna do that
Randomize
