worst lay ever....
as long as you cum, there is no bad sex
ya... thank god for condoms, I was able to fake it... I stand by my original statement
bad decision 37: pregaming the antique store
judging by the cake all over the hall, my neighbors had a pretty successful thursday too.
I loved your drunken rendition of "I wanna dance with somebody" that you left on my voicemail last night.
Also I think he would slowly, painfully, die. You really can't live without a penis. You'd explode.
Like do you realize his dealer came out with a gun and we laughed like it was all just fun and games...
Wake up. Finish House of Cards. Put on pants.
Accurate.
Look, you don't know disfunction until you've sat on the john taking a shit and crying while totally sober.
My manager just held my hair while I threw up in a dumpster. New low.
i feel sensations at the ends of my beard. Either I am super high. Or my face has accepted my beard and I completed my transformation to Mecca
Hey, before I head out, whats your policy on casual drug use and one night stands?
its so awesome dude, its like im a magical unicorn or something
The only thing I remember about us having sex is yelling at him to choke me.
Only good thing about the 50 Shades is that it is now completely OK to call a credit card co to dispute the charge for nipple clamps that didnt arrive.
Can you dump a guy for having pierced nipples or is that shallow?
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