I'm cheering for the colts this year. I basically have to since my fake says i'm from indianapolis
You better have your party panties on Saturday!
Why only Saturday?
Well I have an AA meeting Sat morning so I'm going to try to take it easy Fri.
Being a slut is okay if you're being a polite slut, right?
You were walking around with a baby carrier pretending your vodka was a baby. You tried to get pictures on santas lap
The twins are whispering in turkish together. I think I did something bad last night.
About to trim my pubes so if you decide to walk in, viewer discretion is advised.
You know how I got mad at him for making out with his formal date? Apparently I fucked mine. I'm guessing any exclusivity is out of the question.
I told my doctor about us having twin chlamydia
I work nights. I sleep in. I take online classes. And fuck bad bitches. I'd say those are some perks to grad school.
Someone I just met told me they were going to name their kid after me. Daylight savings is weird.
Side note, i did some manscaping and now my farts sound way different
All of my friends are talking about changing their lives because they have an alcohol addiction and I'm over here reminding my boss that it's national beer day.
After all this I still can't spell gonorrhoea without autocorrect
Wait an hour then go and untie him. Bring toilet paper and some spare underwear. Want anything from Starbucks?
why did you kick open the doors at church screaming whos ready to party?
Randomize
