it sounded like he was fisting a can of crisco.
How come it tastes like onions whenever I go down on her?
Come here. I'm drunk. Family Function. Intense Pro-life vs. Pro-choice debate. Bring Republicans.
I sware she could use her own nose as a dildo.
I just put anything in between my legs and hope for the best.
She's like a coupon for free blow jobs. No purchase necessary.
Oh shit. Easter I forgot. Maybe we should leave the illegal stuff for when Jesus is less present.
Two grown ass men just come into the bar riding humongous tricyles
Girl on the bus just slammed her book shut, turned to me and said "I'm way to fucking high to be studying"
I would feel bad that's he's locked out naked, but the world should really see that.
In case you're wondering where my head is at right now, it's wishing that I was getting laid and not having a debate about cheese.
The notification you get from snapchat that someone took a screenie is like a formal declaration of blackmail.
I threw up in my 8 AM. Morale is low.
At 10 PM you were shit faced in the kitchen makin nachos... Naked. I wasn't sure what to do besides walk away...
Baby Shark came on during sex.
She has BABY SHARK on her sex playlist. Who does that?
Randomize
