Babe! I just farted and I swear to jesus lord christ that it sounded like ur name! Ok, more like Meeatt but still... awesome.
I couldnt find her vag and just started laughing uncontrollably. She was not pleased. Neither was i.
You know I'm really starting to enjoy being everyones first gay experience
the clerk said it was the first time she had ever seen someone walk in the next day to return the tux still wearing the tux
Did you ever get our sex tape out of the rental car before you returned it?
you called her butter tits and then threw up in your cup. i dont know if theres any way to come back from that
Maybe it's cuz you slapped him with a pancake last night
I complimented him on his choice of carpeting while he was humping me.
Whoops. I'm a horrible gf, I dropped the "I'm looking for jobs in a different city" bomb before I wished him a happy anniversary
I'm gonna take a nap by the fireplace and pretend like I know what day it is.
I smelled him yesterday and almost relapsed he's like cocaine
He had a small dick anyway. I'm glad I barfed on it.
I'm SO high. And there is so much pudding in this car
You chose shitty college football over this pussy and my cute little mouth. That's your fault.
Your friend was nice but you didn't have to bang her in my kitchen...just sayin.
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