If I could pick any std, I would pick genital herpes. Seriously. Have you seen the commercials? The lady is riding a fucking bike, swimming, and on a date. I have a perfectly fine vag and all I do is go to the library.
There is something about drinking on a golf course and getting with younger women that just really makes me feel at home.
It's like God knew that was my ex's best friend and punished me. I've never vomited that much in my life.
i was wearing footie pjs. how could there be confusion as to who i hooked up with, thats not something you forget
we had a ceremony where you passed your fake id onto me in the middle of the bar. i was on my knees and you presented it to me. i don't think the bartenders were suspicious though
I'm just high and in my robe and I would suck a dick for some pizza rolls. I can't talk about your problems right now
I'm by the dj to the left. Come get me now this girl is talking about baby names and I dnt even no hers
I can't see you
I'm the only one that's wearing a tarzan outfit get your ass over here you douche
...oh my god that's like anal suicide
I'm aware. I'm writing the eulogy for my colon as we speak.
I just wanna lay in my bed all bundled up as have someone feed me lettuce
Did I get stoned on a sunday afternoon and speak to someone on the phone for an hour about cats and their behaviour? Glad you asked. And yes.
So question... If I'm sexting with uncircumcised guy, do I have to add *then i gently pull your foreskin down*?
ya I had reallllllly good sex last night too that will probably get me evicted
Do it break your family into faction start a civil war
I haven’t been this excited since I found out they sold cases of Jack Daniels.
Can we skype so I'm not drinking alone?
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