the best things in life are free. have that freshly fucked look and doing the walk of shame by HIS girlfriend.....priceless
Alli causes anal leakage. You can find someone to like you if you are fat but no one will like you if you poop yourself.
just when i thought things couldnt get worse, the batteries died in my vibrator.
I have way too much money in my bra to be responsible.
We need to get her some penis inspired head protection.
just upper decked a verizon store cause they don't cover against "getting phone crushed by a keg." had to pay 175 for a new one
After you took the handle off the bathroom door I had to coach the Scottish guy sitting on the toilet, throwing up in his own lap, how to put his pants back on. Yes, I think he won the drinking game.
His threats seemed pretty legit for a 6 year old
She is only going home with him in hopes to give him herpes. She has been plotting some master revenge since 7th grade.
I'm standing in the shower drinking with the light off and a candle lit, listening to Amy Winehouse. Be proud.
Would it be crossing a line if I told him that I now know his girlfriend has a huge mole on her left ass cheek?
i wasnt sure i had a crush on her until i woke up this morning and saw i had googled fifteen variations of "lesbian marriage in estonia". where the fuck is estonia
I went to Walmart last night to buy some CDs--which is a sentence I never thought I'd say in 2016.
Dad is celebrating turning 45 by being drunk in a department store before two o'clock.
Apparently swingers are magnetically drawn to me?
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