im pretty sure that there was a mint leaf in my poop this morning. i love mojito season.
You thought cars couldnt see you if you stuck your head in the mail box
Woke up with an epic boner today, the kind where you can spin books and shit on it. FYI: don't try spinning an encyclopedia
I kept feeling my boobs..just to make sure they were still there.
Remember...the emancipation proclimation is your favorite document, you love asian women, japanese food is the tits, and you willfully employ as many latinos as possible...
Hes drunk and dancing naked. I can hear his dick smacking his legs from the next room.
YOU WERE HAVING SEX IN THE SAME BED I WAS SLEEPING IN. AND YOU GRABBED MY HAIR. OF COURSE I'M PISSED.
Dude. The only thing that I use less than my dick is my tennis racket. We need to play.
8===D
That's the bat signal to come over and fuck me.
He fed us edamame like baby birds. Slowly all coming back to me.
I'm going to give you the best blowjob of your life. And yes you can use my mom's printer.
how do you politely tell someone their toddler looks alarmingly similar to the berries and cream guy
He referred to his penis as "The Purple Headed Yogurt Slinger." I'm both disgusted and turned on
No one should have to go to work between Christmas and New Years, but here I am twirling in my office chair and putting Jack in my coffee like I’m back in college studying for finals.
I didn't have any choice but to cuddle you. Your hair was stuck on my nipple piercing.
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