Don't go all Obama on me. George Bush this decision and just do it. Thinking's for the morning after
there hasn't been a girl guy ratio this good since a guy jumped on one of the Titanic life rafts
i sleep in a fine layer of vodka and semen. i don't know that that would appropriate for a pajama rally.
He smothers me through text. I can't even image what he'd be like in person.
i guess when we were done i grunted "unforgiveable" and walked out.
What's a nice way of saying "You fell asleep, and I got bored, so I made out with your brother"?
She swung at the pinata with crutches
nobody understands how my tooth became embedded in the ceiling last night.
I'm just gonna get real fat and join the circus.
i formally give you permission to eat me when i pass out
OMG MY DAD TOLD ME HE MIGHT DO TINDER
you made out with another girl for some wings
Our office went out together for the first time to celebrate the fact our coworker got fired.
Well. I had to explain to my niece that the word cunt is not an abbreviation for country. I'm the best aunt in the world.
I said, hypothetically speaking, if I was going to be having some rough sex Friday night, when WOULD be the best time for a massage, mother dear?
Randomize
