Would you feel weird if I asked out ___?
You dont call on our son's bday but you want to know if I'll give you permission to date my best friend?
So...no?`
so i was creeping on him today and there was like nothing new except he became a fan of getting dome
i wish i could be like. "i like giving dome, lets be friends"
It was my first time buying condoms at the liquor store... I was nervous and there were quite a few people, so I tried to do it as quickly and quietly as possible. When I got to the Indian cashier, he took one look at them and said loudly, "Ohhh you gonna get it on tonight, ah?!"
The size of her hoop earrings are directly related to how much of a slut she is.
Dancing like a fucking crazy person to jai ho with a snow ball in her hand. Snow days make her go nuts.
Also, did that cop draw hearts on everyone's hands last night?
So I vaguely remember making out with you this morning, I think you were on a date?
i think he was starting go for a boob grab when we both realized the middle of a public tennis court wasn't the place
He's in the hospital yelling at his brother to at least have stuck something "normal" up his ass.
Again?
HE'S BRINGING FRIED MAC AND CHEESE BITES. I GET FRIED MAC AND CHEESE AND SEX PEOPLE. BEST WEDNESDAY EVER.
I literally walked into the toilet, looked at my reflection, said "alcohol" and went back to bed...
I'm trying to be celibate. I'm having me time. I'm eating cake.
im single, its not even nine am on Valentine's day and I've already gotten laid. suck it relationships
Every time you mention the threesome around him I will high five you. Do what you will with this information.
Are you serious?! She sent a pizza instead of showing up?!
She did indeed. Papa Johns. It helped because I was super hangry. That bitch is smart!
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