i just saw a foot job.
porn is incredible...
You and i never got to the, we dont care what we look like friend-stage. you know? like not brushing your teeth stage.
sorry im really high
Reason #1 for no sex outdoors: Mosquito bites. Awkward, awkward mosquito bites.
If you're still awake, how rude would it be if I masturbated in her new apartment on moving day? If you're asleep, then ask me how it was.
he/she has shaved legs and makeup on. but a spare tire stomach, high socks with high heels...a wig and glasses. and still talked like a man. it was a nightmare scenario
She sat on the stairs and yelled sex positions at us. I don't remember if we went along with it but judging by the beer and condoms I'm thinking yes.
He literally sends me dick pictures, EVERY DAY. SEVERAL DIFFERENT ANGLES ..it's like I GET THE POINT.
You know it's bad when I can already feel tomorrow's hangover before even drinking today.
According to the boxer briefs I found on the couch when I got home, I take it your date went well??
I spent three hours in the ER last night to figure out that my friend just had to take a shit
If anything I look like a soccor mom going out for her annual ladies night. Trying hard, but not quite in her twenty's anymore.
Last night a drunk chick tried to lick me. If you are trying to lick the zombies, you are too drunk for the haunted house.
5 seconds ago I had no idea that a fart could travel so fastly thru the tanning bed. I taste it in the back of my neck.
Only I would get an underage 24 hours before turning 21.
Sorry I totally pulled a home invasion on you last night
That was super inconsiderate of me
Randomize
