Can a clitoris grow tomatoes? Its symbolic and rhetorical.
Sooo, drunk me had the sense of mind to write down everything that happened last night.....I bet you thought you'd get away with what you did to my parrot.
the mandatory saturday morning class for those written up by RA's turned into a gold mine...just met EVERY hot chick that parties.
Come on... In this relationship-economy, you gotta have "awesome blowjobs" on your resume.
I'm way too drunk on a Sunday to handle this level of Jesus.
I shouldn't have to say "get your balls off my counter" on a Wednesday.
i look like a southern belle. however, i am around a million kegs. so i will be a southern shitshow.
I just won a riveting game of "who can drink the most vodka out of a hollowed out watermelon". Fucking New Yorkers.
WHO THE FUCK TAGS THEMSELVES AT COUNTY JAIL?!?!
If you say no to drinking on a Monday then I'm going to take you to the hospital for a MRI
Everybodys gonna want to make out w me dressed as big bird
Big bird is like some childhood daddy fantasy come true for carnival
I cancelled the entertainment for your b-day party.... Keep the bouncy castle just in case.
he BROKE his KNEE while we were getting it on, called 911 and the ambulance that showed up contained two paramedics, ONE WAS HIS FUCKING SISTER!!! HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?!?!
Poor life choices...?
I just want to meet a nice normal guy that doesn't want me to taze him while we have sex. . . . .is that too much to ask for?
I just punched myself in the vagina to prove a point. Please pray for me.
Randomize
