Come get meeee. I'm stranded in the middle of no where with Paul (?). I think u puked on his friend.
so then we both started to do the walk of shame and she didnt realize we had fucked in her apartment until some lady said hi to her in the elevator
you didnt stop her?
too entertaining
He asked if it was my vagina. I told him it was my butt. Clearly I need to buy him a map of the female form.
Don't feel bad sweetie, you're not the only classy one in town. I'm still driving around with that tupperware of tequila in my cup holder from last week's Margarita Monday.
If I were you I'd use my green card to do more coke and less talking
if any part of your body has ever entered my vagina you are fucking obligated to speak to me if i so desire
I walked in and all four of you were covering your heads under the blanket singing waterslides in unison.
Well, I found the missing blow... in my fucking suitcase... THIS MORNING. Yeah, I flew from FL to NY with blow in my suitcase yesterday.
I told you to check, dude
Yeah, AFTER I checked my bag and I was already sitting on a plane. Oh well. I figured worst case I'd do like 15 hours in county and I was totally prepared for that anyways. I always prepare for that when we hang out.
Next time someone asks you what your spirit animal is do you really want to answer the iowa state fair butter cow?
So I'm pretty sure I told every one at the party that "I'm going to fuck my pillow pets tonight?"
On a scale of 1 to 10 how concerned should I be
He drunk texted me what I think is two snails fucking on a mushroom. Is "you sick bastard" too mild a rejection?
How hot? Like... how many hemsworths?
how do you know everyone's mad at you?
I just woke up feeling shameful
How's work going?
Boring. I have a cat on a leash right now
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