He asked if it was my vagina. I told him it was my butt. Clearly I need to buy him a map of the female form.
Just saw a girl trying to crack an egg with her butt cheeks. I think I know what we're doing thursday night.
I'm taking last night back. It officially didn't happen. Tell your friends.
Man when i saw they were the only ones hard core grinding to the Cha Cha slide against the wall, I knew they were gonna have sex tonight.
you picked up the vacuum cleaner at one point and said you we gonna beat the shit out of me with it. that was kinda funny
Haha jealous. If I could remember my dreams I'm pretty sure they would constantly be about being drunk in foreign countries
I am compiling a playlist that reminds me of all my best sexual encounters. It shall be called THE MUSIC OF MY VAGINA'S PEOPLE
She said our goal is to fuck in every bathroom at the reception which is at a country club. I will have the best wedding date ever! Were 4 for 4 in public.
Then that means he's outwardly conservative. Inwardly he's a total gay horndog. He's like a spy that can ruin conservative plans.
I want to change all my life goals to that.
the manischevitz sangria was a big hit
That was a very uncomfortable conversation to have without pants on. But his mom was pretty cool about it.
all night she kept rolling over and mumbling something about wanting an extendable retractable urethra.
He got you flowers. How bad can the sex really be?
The fact that u had sex with a Disney prince blows my mind, you're my hero.
If this adventure is going to get us arrested it'll have to wait until Wednesday so that I can bail myself out.
Randomize
