I passed out in the cab. Woke up to the cabby yelling SIR SIR WE ARE AT THE TRAIN STATION!! SIRRRR!!
In case you were wondering, you weren't dreaming. I really did get stuck between my bed and the wall last night.
i could totally date him if i was just drunk the whole relationship
I am officially out of liquor stores within a 15 mile radius that don't recognize me as soon as I walk in the door.
maybe i'll make good life choices and keep my legs closed. periodically txt me friday and saturday night saying "baby carrot round 2" that should stop me.
I asked for a dramatic "funeral" look for my makeup. They judged me.
I forgive you, at least you vote. I found out my fuck buddy isn't even registered. I won't fuck a non respectable citizen.
Keep it up. It gets easier when you turn 21. Something happens in people's brains when they turn 21 and all of a sudden you have the power to drink constantly and abuse drugs and still graduate with good grades and your shit together. Im almost positive I read it in my freshman year bio textbook
Whats proper etiquette for apologizing to your wife for being so drunk you stood up and pissed on the bedroom floor next to the bed?
Closed my eyes in the shower and got really dizzy. Not sure if neurological or result of 4 day vodka binge. Send help.
Moral of the story: next time my plans include you and bourbon, I'm packing a toothbrush.
At least your nickname is not Plunge Slut and that nickname is not in a published thesis work
Beer. Pizza. Seething Rage. I will be full of two of these things tonight. You get to decide which two.
The amount of guys I've turned down for you is disgusting... You better love me.
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
Randomize
