Did you call me this morning? I was really drugged up and don't remember.
Have a good day. My vagina shrank.
Found my sandals in your freezer this morning, THANKS
He said he used to draw on the walls with poop when he was a kid.
good luck with ur interview. Just show them your confidence and don't make that sucking snot noise. Really don't. Praying for you, love mom
please just be careful, i just switched my facebook status to "in a relationship", i would look really pathetic if i had to change it back to "single" already
I can't believe they didnt cut us off after we all hugged each other and started singing "were the 3 best friends that anybody could have" RIGHT IN FRONT of the bar and bartender...
The guy I woke up with is wearing the same nailpolish as me...I need to stop drinking
If that orgasm indicates how the rest of the year is going to go, I need to buy rain boots.
I can never have sex in Utah again. The altitude had me breathing like a fat kid going up stairs.
I feel like your personal Bdsm barbie...
Also, asking the guy who just told you he is crippled on edibles to watch your kid is probably frowned upon by most
I just slammed a bottle of white wine before I came to Whole Foods so basically I'm just training to be a middle aged white woman.
idk how many shots you took between 2:39 and 3:05, but your message went from "Please text me tomorrow." to "Why you sto textom?"
Jesus better clutch that motherfucking wheel, then.
I'M NOT PUTTING MY TRUST IN JESUS! I'M PUTTING MY TRUST IN YOU!
No one can touch me, I'm made of fruit.
Randomize
