And then I said "flip over. I want to show you something i learned in Afghanistan."
Say my name once during sex just to fuck with her. Like when it gets rough.
phone sex would be way better if there was an app for that...
since i spend so many of my nights sleeping on the bathroom floor i think im going to remove all toiletries from under my sink and replace them with a pillow and blanket.
How do you politely bring up someone's criminal record?
Well technically because of daylight savings, I only lasted 15 mintues.
I was asking the bouncer, "if I fall will you catch me?" which then turned into "if I jump off the roof will you catch me?" He said no.
Ok, it is technically a gay bar but it's a total dive w/ strong drinks. The important thing is you can start drinking at 11:00 am without judgement
oh oh oh, and apparently you can bring in your own snacks. Some old dude just gave me cashews and cheetos.
How do you think the people in my class would react if I ripped all my clothes off and jumped on him right now?
I just washed out an empty chocolate milk bottle to take whiskey on my bike ride.
You are not an adult
I also made him write a nonfiction romance novel about what happened and to give it to me when the time was right
Dude mama brought home the bacon, i got his HBO account i guess that makes up for his by par skills in bed.
Did you apologize to him for the trip to the strip club as a first date or is that something that just gets swept under the rug??
this poor kid thinks hes going to have his first time with both of us
This Cougar is looking at me like I’m a piece of meat and buying me top shelf cocktails
I’m getting a fear boner thinking about what she might do to me
Randomize
