I cant wait to get the disapproving look from this elderly black lady...
Discovered the coffee filter hasn't been changed in a while. I believe the mold has hypnotic properties. Would try it again, but coffee vomit is not pleasant.
just opened a can of spagetti o's with a butter knife. the things u will do for food when ur stoned.
I'm thinking we can stop tracking my sex life by the hotels I've hooked up in and instead use bar bathrooms I've gotten head in.
The bouncer yelled at him for poking at the guy selling roses, I think it's time to leave.
It's not meant to be. I also just shot a turkey baster of gin into Nate's eye, so....
this lady just pulled corn on the cob out of her purse
People like that make this world a better place.
It's been so long that I've occasionally forgotten I own a vagina
Okay so.. What's with me and guys who have more than 2 nipples
Can you please help mom and dad? Theyre trying to figure out Skype, and its like 2 cavemen finding fire.
Dude... I had a dream that I was getting high for the first time. I got to experience my weedginity again. It was glorious.
You declared that afternoon sex will be referred to as "wet naps" from now on
This guy knew what he was doing. Most guys can't find the spot even if it shot off a flare and played a kazoo.
dont go in the freezer to fetch your weed. my vibrator may or may not be in there. not sayin, just sayin
Long story short wrist restraints, Apple Watch and cumming all don’t mix
Randomize
