The project manager just came into talk to me for the first time and I had justed googled best drum solo ever and couldn't X out of the screen.
So I have some interesting news. The pizza guy called the cops on me...
Goats are brash and offensive and cocky animals
Are you high and at a petting zoo again?
I'm going to try to be reasonable tonight and keep my drink count out of double digits
Great. Now I'm always going to be the roommate that boned a guy with a third nipple.
I'm in a bed full of sand, and also just took my contacts out. Whatever happened yesterday was great, I think.
Seriously I just dipped a banana in vodka I really need to stop drinking
I was scared that I should know him but I was too busy blacking out to remember
Yes I slept with him, he was the only one not wearing a costume. Guys with costumes are just trying to impress you.
I'm going to be fiscally responsible and buy a handle.
I have alcoholic tendencies but you know what? College
She started snoring post sex, so I drunkenly walked 8 miles at 4am to go fishing. Please come pick me up
PS: bike ride of shame at 7am includes riding by kids waiting for the school bus #classy
Fuck the walk of shame. I make this shit glorious.
The fact that you arent wearing shoes probably just adds to the classiness
Condom wrapper stuck to my shirt ups the anty
Look, I need your help, not your judgment.
Randomize
