guess who came home with a hottie last night
Def drugged
Last night I had a dream we played Uno and had sex. You won at Uno, but you lost at sex.
it must be christmas time, i've got a hankering to give a virgin a baby....
she passed on me to fuck the foreign guy. is there a manlier, slightly less gay way of saying "always the bridesmaid, never the bride"?
nope.
I took it to a new level. I'm procrastinating taking my adderall. Hate finals week.
She got all mad because she said it was "unprofessional" to tell my manager to go fist herself.
i think we should start charging the bum that sleeps on our porch rent..
my dad has now seen 6 different dudes grab my ass. i guess i should start a list.
we told the drug dealer that our car was dead and we needed a jump so he would bring the drugs to us...
Just followed a blind kid around for 20 minutes to see how awesome his guide dog was. And he was pretty fucking awesome
If it was any colder outside, the frost from my breath would make a mixed drink
He could only go twice. I need a guy with more stamina and is less married
I didn't think I was even that high but when we were standing in the cop car's headlights I totally forgot how to use my arms
Why can't he just dump me? This is like a baby seal clubbing the hunter
If your talking about a poncho I WANT ONE
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