I told a kindergarten student that candy canes are bones of reject elves.
so i replaced his speed with my ped egg shaveings
dont u have athletes foot?
You remember that guy Joey? The pastors son that plays Jesus every year?
Yeah?
Stuck it in his pooper.
If you win this game of words with friends, ill suck you off for 30 minutes. No lie.
I cant last that long. Do i get the rollover minutes?
I woke up at 3am naked and stroking a watermelon.
She's using our floating beer pong table as an air mattress to sleep on.
Time flies when you're blacked out in a lake
So I got drunk last night and attempted to shave a landing strip on my vag. I now have a 8 lane highway on my crotch now. Just looks like a random ass square.
He's so vague sometimes. Like dude, we've been friends for 3 years. I don't need you to be vague, I need you to be inside of my vagina.
I was just thrown into the pool and now I'm surrounded by men... You would think this is the dream but I'm just confused
It can't be easy when an alcoholic Russian is screaming to the entire dorm "he no get hard"
So I realize somewhere between mildly irritated and outright belligerently pissed is where you are, but as to location, where are you?
I took advantage of the fact that my mentee had to go to the bathroom to throw up in the other stall. I'm going to hell for being hungover at an elementary school.
Still had our rainbow strip poker new years tradition. End of night we were only wearing mask.
Did you get the usual surprise pics from the strange straight you like to sprinkle in.
Yeah but now he has a wife. It’s going to be different this year
So what. We’ve banged every Thanksgiving since high school. She just has to understand it’s a holiday tradition
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