Last night when I was hammered I set a reminder to tell you that your boobs are my favorite ones in the world, so this is me giving you that message.
let's get a trip to cabo together for next spring... they have to have forgotten about me by now
having someone tell me to "prepare my vagina" is not really something I want to hear..
He once got bit in the face by a dog and still got laid the same night. He owns Memorial Day Weekend
just let her blow you already, it's practically animal cruelty at this point.
Ummm Im the uneducated alcoholic of the group... if I say its a bad idea, its probably a bad idea.
Why can't I live in a world where my only 2 options are rum bikini hot tub party or masturbating?
Just living on dreams and a bed of used condoms
All I do lately is eat steak, drink warm beer, watch porn, and avoid booty calls when I'm too lazy to take a shower. I think the apocalypse turned me into a dude.
I still feel like a bad person. A shoulder to cry on became a dick to suck.
Just lectured your brother about using condoms when hooking up with girls he meets online. I should be a fucking life coach
I don't give a fuck that he's gay and keeps hitting on me. Free cocaine is free cocaine bro
Just reintroduced tequila back into my life...so that's happening
YAS SHES BACK AND BETTER THAN EVER
The only thing that makes a night with half a bottle of cheap vodka is the other half of that bottle of cheap vodka.
I just saw a guy walking down the street without a shirt on and holding a samari sword....
Randomize
