I'm jealous of your bromance
Whats the glycemic index on semen?
Brought 2 entire pizzas with to the bar, everyone loves us
still using moms red Christmas cookie plate she sent to cut lines on. not sure I can return with a clear conscious
Believe it or not, that's part of the whole 'best friend' thing. It's not just yelling at me for making you leave the club early or taking the couch bc I'm doing sex while you're doing bjs.
Last night was just one giant freudian slip.
You made out with EVERYBODY.
Can I just bleach my life?
I'm convinced that college is the only place where one can have an existential crisis over what sweatpants to wear
Found my underwear in a solo cup. That about sums up this weekend.
The EMT told me when I left the ER "I'd like to take off your pants again and inspect your package. Just not during a medical emergency..." We're hooking up tonight.
Points for getting a hot hook up after getting a shard of glass in your thigh. Almost makes it worth it.
I took so my adderall all I can do is lie on my floor and stare too hard at my hedgehog. He has 42 spines in the dark spot on his shoulder btw.
Dude you were sitting in front of me eating uncooked bow tie pasta...
Yes but funny for a 45 year old hell bent on reliving her college days by giving body shots and hand jobs. Not necessarily in that order
I did a kegel this morning to determine if I had been penetrated during last night's blackout. Nope.
Single lady's Saturday night: eat doritos, masturbate, eat more doritos. Do shot of Jager. Repeat until desired result is achieved.
I just got a text from a guy. The python is ours if we want.
Randomize
