I look like Roseanne just got in a bar fight with Rosie O'Donnell.
Im at a strip club, and the dancer just farted into my face. The bad part about that is I could taste the wings I bought her earlier
I told him I'd give him a BJ if he admited Hanson was good.
just rolled a joint with wrapping paper.. and you say i have no christmas spirit
He was drunk at Denny's at 5 am saying how Dear John was the worst movie he has ever seen... eyes filled with tears.
Do the low cut shirt test. If he stares at your tits even in front of your brother, he's down.
We'll cross that bridge when we come to it... Or burn it. Either way we'll deal with it later
Turns out Woolite can get the cum stains out of her moms couch.
Well I put her head right through the headboard. Thank god the room was under her name.
I AM OVULATING LIKE A STEAM ENGINE.
when we got back we had sex. but it wasnt til the morning that i figured out her leg was broken
did you really just send me an instagramed dick pic?
Less than a month to graduation and I'm still blacking out on the reg tonguing down the closest breathing organism preferably with a penis but I'm flexible, and still havent figured out how to be functional on Fridays. WHY don't they teach us valuable shit at this institution!?
Just took a piss in some random bushes in a traffic jam and had to sprint back to the car. I'm a boss.
If we're going to communicate going forward, you'll need to be versed in Gillian Anderson.
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