then they high fived as they party boyed me. I was a policewoman sandwhich. I love you halloween.
I'll just wear something slutty to the liquor store and hope for the best
that's your solution for everything
She was so wet my fingers were literally pruney when I got done with her
i figure i've seen his cum stains on the floor, i'm allowed to say these things.
OMG HAIR ON HIS DICK. HAIR ON HIS DICK AS IN GROWING OUT OF HIS DICK. HAIR.
She is feeding us popcorn out of her bra
You had us pull over so you could pee, you proceeded to pee in some random persons front yard while yelling "im not ashamed"
I'm so hungover that if we go to panera, I'll probably get a bread bowl to throw up in.
Do you know how hard it is to maintain a conversation with someone who just told you they put their cat in the fridge on purpose?
I am gathering blankets and bags of horse grain to pad my truck bed so I have a comfy place to crash when I get home, without the inconvenience of stairs. Or doors. Or walking. But with the refreshing scent of molasses.
if it looks like there's being an exorcism being performed you know your doing something right.
Hey, YOU try working out drunk every night! Besides, I think at least one of those bruises is a hickey.
All my friends are getting into relationships and going through breakups and I'm having Plan Bs and crunch wraps for dinner.
We had an argument over whether or not she had super strength. She settled it by dragging me to the bed room and throwing me on the bed. Then forcefully fucking me. She won the argument.
I'm sorry you had to knock him out on your birthday. But that also means I won the bet that you'd hit someone so you owe me 40. dollars
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