Afterall, it is the real San Francisco treat
I accidentally had sex with my boyfriend's twin last night...and he didn't stop me.
How was it?
Fantastic, but that's not the point.
We got bored. So we went to planned parenthood to stare at everyone who made worse decisions than us last night.
I really want to sleep with her friend. I'm hoping our casual sex relationship will somehow lead to that.
Note to self. Condoms are not microwavable.
Fat chicks shouldn't bartend
he's washing the lighter in the sink and telling me to picture unicorns. requesting backup.
I have bruises covered in glitter and someone just asked me if I realized I'm bleeding from both ears. This is awkward.
you pulled down your pants to convince a girl you were god
We went to the casino to try to earn enough money to go to new Orleans comfortably. I'm already drunk. This is a horribly immoral start to summer.
Is there a polite way to say "Sorry for your head injury but I still want to hook up"?
I just spilled grey goose in my hair. You could say I keep it classy for the family Christmas parties.
How the fuck am I supposed to enjoy a third ice day from school if I only bought enough alcohol for 2?
I don't know, maybe act like an adult who teaches children for a living
It's like we're not even friends
DO NOT THROW SOUP AT YOUR SCREEN
It was extremely weird and uncomfortable mid blow job she looks up and says " tell me Simon Cowell makes your dick hard"
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